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If you don't want to divorce, it's important to remember you and your partner aren't stuck together forever. A delicate strand that needs nourishment and care connects you and your partner. Care takes time. Set aside time to enjoy each other's company. Fan the flames. Enjoy times of friendly good humor. Have baby-sitters ready to jump in, so you and your honey can leave the nest for grown-up fun times.

What would your partner enjoy doing with you? How about if the two of you go out on dates again? You plan one date and your partner plans the next date. Take turns introducing your partner to what you like to do.

Do you both have different interests? Do you want to try new activities to find a new interest? Take turns planning dates. Take him to places you enjoy. And think up new activities you can enjoy trying out together. On the next date he plans the activities to stimulate your interests and share with you an activity he likes that he thinks you'll enjoy too. You dated when the fires were burning inside of each of you. Dating can work wonders now too, when you both want to encourage and cherish your relationship.

What if you arrange to meet your husband after work in a bar? And then you wear a wig and dress in a wacky sexy outfit. And then you both go to a motel. You have many possibilities yet untried.

Divorce is born of regrettable, small, consecutive, demolishing errors and no cushion of loving times to support you two together. Avoid divorce if you can. When the romance is slipping out of your relationship, sit down and agree to make time and psychic space to date each other again--and to really look at each other.

If you find yourself badmouthing your partner to your friends, look at what you're saying. See how you can bring your feelings to your partner and confer. New rules and agreements are in order. What are the old rules you two have been living by? What understanding would fit you both better now?

Sometimes one partner is busy with a project. How do you determine whether one of you is too high maintenance or whether the other is too uninvolved with the relationship? Both of you have different standards just based on being raised in different homes. Sit down together to review how you're living and how you can both be happier and more fulfilled.

Notice if you or your partner have downgraded your relationship and are taking your lives together for granted. Fanning the flames is an active proposition. Take action to talk and especially to listen to your old friend and partner. Listen more. Say more what's on your mind. Find some humor. If you ever see yourself in the mirror when you're angry, you'll see how funny you look with the mad expression spread over your face. Make time for eye contact. Make time to talk, to be quiet, and to do fun things together, the two of you. And don't for get the humor. It's when the humor drains out that cascading troubles can become irreversible.