How To Date A Divorced Man
What are the interesting and hidden aspects of dating a divorced man?
Dating a divorced man is difficult and different from dating any other kind of man. The girlfriend is very conscious of the fact of being number two. She has an innate desire to try to prove she is different from his ex-wife. She wants to prove to herself that she can succeed where the other woman failed. It is a challenge to herself and serves to bolster her self-esteem.
A divorced man is haunted by his past. The ghosts of memories invade into his present relationship. A divorce is more than a failed relationship, as the process was undoubtedly painful in many ways. A divorce announces to the world a failed marriage. The word itself carries ugly connotations which are the stigma attached to every divorcée or divorce`.
A divorced man will remember his first set of anniversaries inherited from his ex-wife. When you date him, sooner or later these will come up in conversations. Depending on how open his communication is to you, you may get to feel the grief, bitterness and other emotions on these days of his calendar. As a girlfriend, you may not be able to dissipate the precipitates of his memories. You can't heal his wounds if he's unprepared or unable to let go.
Dating a divorced man inevitably brings the fear of doubt or insecurity that he may be incapable of honoring his marriage vows even the second time around. What's there to bind him if he experienced the freedom of dissolution of a difficult marriage?
A girlfriend faces stress and embarrassment being seen as number 2 or worse, as the other woman who broke up the marriage. The immediate feeling is being compared with his ex-wife.
A rule of thumb is to take it slow and tactfully. He just can't jump into another relationship until about 1 year after his divorce. Men need time to heal from the repercussions of a divorce.
Be a good listener and keep your ears glued on for clues as to why he says his marriage failed. Avoid critiquing any party since this is an extremely sensitive issue.
If he has custody or visiting rights to his kids from his previous marriage, be prepared to be put on hold while he fulfills his parental obligations. It is tough but you can't ever win when it boils down to choosing between you or the kids.
For all the precautions and negatives of dating a divorced man, there are the positive points too. He would have experienced the contrast between her and you. He would be appreciative of your good qualities and accommodating for your minor bad points. He should be wiser from the experience. Some women say that divorced men are house-trained and less selfish than bachelors.